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Yes, women overapologize …. At a recent lunch, a friend of Lerner’s kept saying sorry — sorry for how she bumped into another friend while walking to their table, sorry for being too quick to take a seat near the window and sorry she accidentally grabbed someone else’s menu. Lerner didn’t think her friend was being polite, just annoying, especially because everyone else felt the need to reassure her they took no offense. Overapologizing is a particularly female behavior, Lerner notes. But in any gender, it can be driven by low self-esteem, an excessive wish to please or fear of disapproval. Whatever the cause, Lerner says people should tone it down.
While men don’t apologize enough …, Research suggests that more men than women bristle at apologizing, and that’s because males are still brought up to see that as a sign of weakness, Lerner said, “It’s giving the person the superior edge,” Lerner quotes a man telling her, “And once you let down your guard, the other person can take advantage you, It takes two, Often, people don’t get the apology they think they deserve because they contributed to — pink ballet shoes adults unwittingly or not — the problem, People won’t apologize if they are feeling pushed to assume more than their fair share of the blame, Lerner said..
In addition to owning your part in any conflict, you should stick to the facts in telling someone how he’s wronged you. Even a slight exaggeration of what went down will kick up the other person’s defensiveness, Lerner said. Sometimes it’s just a start. When it comes to a serious hurt or betrayal — a spouse cheats on their partner, for example — “a true apology is a long-distance run,” she said. “It begins with ‘I’m sorry,’ but doesn’t end there.”.
The pink ballet shoes adults offender will need to sit in “the hot seat” for a long time and put aside his defensiveness and periodically listen to things he probably doesn’t want to hear, Just the words “I’m sorry” won’t help the other person feel safe in the relationship again, Lerner said, “More than anything, the hurt party wants to know that we really ‘get it,’ that our empathy and remorse are deeply felt, that we will carry some of the pain we’ve caused and that there will be no repeat performance,” she said..
Not everything is forgivable. Lerner said people are often unclear about the purpose of forgiveness in personal healing or in reconciling disputes. And there are some situations, as with the aforementioned Celina, when it’s not necessary or even advisable to forgive. “One myth is that forgiveness is the only path to a life that’s not mired in bitterness and hate, and that those who do not forgive the offender are at higher risk for both mental and physical problems,” she said. “This is not true. There are many roads to healing, ‘letting go’ and finding some inner peace.”.
Teach your kids to apologize, If the ability to apologize is at the heart of good relationships, then it’s a skill that parents should pass on to their kids, preferably by role modeling, Some parents fear that saying sorry to to their kids will undercut their authority or make them look weak and uncertain. On the contrary, Lerner said: Apologizing to your children shows that you are strong and that you value fairness, “Children have an innate sense of justice and suffer when a parent’s defensivness invalidates pink ballet shoes adults what the child knows to be true,” she said. “Indeed the ability to apologize is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our kids.”..
OAKLAND — After weeks of failing to provide Alameda County prosecutors access to a draft investigative report on the deadly Ghost Ship fire, city officials delivered a final version of the report to the criminal investigation team Saturday, hours after this news organization reported on the delays. The report, which prosecutors have been asking for since last month, was sent by email, Oakland spokesman Harry Hamilton said. Early Monday, the city said it was a draft report, but by late Monday both sides confirmed the final report had been sent.
A spokeswoman for the Alameda County District Attorney’s Office confirmed the report was received over the weekend, Teresa Drenick said it would not be made public because of the ongoing criminal investigation, On Friday, this news organization reported that David Lim, the lead prosecutor in the Ghost Ship criminal investigation, had been emailing the City Attorney’s Office asking for a copy of the draft report prepared by the Oakland Fire Department, writing that the city was legally obligated to provide it, Communication stopped in late February, according to both sides, after Lim unsuccessfully requested a copy of the report by the close of business Feb, 27 pink ballet shoes adults and again on Feb, 28..